April & May
Parallel Play with Joy and Grief
I can’t talk about the arrival of spring without reminiscing on Easter this year. As the hollowed day of chocolate & small toy filled eggs arrived, I began to talk about how the Easter bunny was coming. But despite the arrival of Santa in the home and even a potential leprechaun ( haven’t done but she’s been very intrigued with learning about kids who do this) —she started to get genuinely terrified of the Easter bunny and very uneasy about how tall it was and why it was in our house/yard?! Good points. The night before Easter I put together her Easter basket and eggs for finding in the yard. Easter Sunday was colder than expected , there was snow and sleet so putting the eggs out was a challenge. I finally got to sneak out and place them. Then told Opal to check outside , she was ecstatic to see the arrival of the eggs , thankfully. In fact we we were so excited that we ran outside without shoes on ( we did have socks) in the middle of the sleet. Whoops , everyone survived though. ^_^
During my FMLA, I decided to get a rental car and head up north with Opal to see my parents.It was the first time since I met Jose, which is to say 7 years ago , that I drove up without him. It’s a long-ish drive, especially for a four year old. We stopped about five times on the way, including once when she was somehow bleeding. At first, I didn’t think we’d make it out of metro Detroit. But finally, Opal and I and our fancy rental car ( Nissan Altima ) drove up up UP. I don’t always love “going home.” As an adoptee , I often feel the semblance of home just isn’t for me—my first mother, a door I may never know. And yet I will always seek it.
So I was surprised when the rolling fields and country air , opened up some space for me. Like I was able to step inside its panoramic expanse and get the deep breath I had needed.
I enjoyed seeing my parents play with Opal. Hearing her squeal and run through my childhood home. Hearing her call my dad her best friend, all things I may have wanted to do but had forgotten their possibility to my own fractured relationship with my parents. Before packing up to go back to the D, my mom and I sat down and looked at keepsakes from my childhood and adolescence. So many Little Golden Books, pictures of youth group friends, clothing items that she had knit and my favorite thing-hand written letters and recipes from my Grandmom! Seeing her handwriting again brought me a special ache of joy, I could hear her voice rising up from the page. In that moment, I really understood what people mean when they say, your grandmother’s prayers are still protecting you.
Of course with the arrival of May, came the arrival of Mothers’s Day, which for me has its layers of mother abandonment and grief . It is a tonic plate that when taken out of the shelf that trembles with the friction of sorrow.
But Mother’s Day is also an open window , where the breeze can come in and change things, even if for a little while. My daughter , who I keep , who I kept , who I am keeping —is that twirling changing breeze. And because of her and the flowers surrounding me, that proclaim the coexistence of death and life , joy and grief, can parallel play together. I can laugh because she is a little girl wonderfully sweet and made of bubbles and belief in all the things I’d forgotten about long ago.
So I chose to sit at the window this year, letting the breeze tickle my nose and letting the little girl bring me a myriad of her favorite toys as presents , she who wants to be called Glinda( as in, The Good) —which is also my first mother’s name—gives me the gift of girlhood, all pink and bursting with magic.
Things I did/saw/ate/made/bought:
Opal got her first bike, with training wheels. It is Frozen themed, all purple and blue with matching handlebar streamers and the best clanging bell. She also got kneepads and elbowpads, and a helmet obviously, because safety first
At the beginning of April, I went to the DIA to see the Contemporary Anishinaabe Art: A Continuation exhibition. I was blown away by what I encountered and heard, the design of the exhibit was exquisite. One of my favorite parts was witness the art plaques written side by side in Anishinaabe and English. What a special kind of liberation.
My flowers : I have so many blooming flowers that I have grown from seeds and transplants-many are towering over the fence.
I joined two virtual book clubs and a summer reading challenge!
Went to National Planning Conference in Detroit and got super inspired by the folks working at the intersections of art, youth engagement and planning. I was especially overjoyed to attend a book reading and panel conversation featuring my friend, DR. Morgan on an anthology she contributed to about Urban Design.
I talked about public art with new friends.
I made a portfolio that I was really proud of!
I got a local loaf of gf sourdough bread !
I visited Cranbrook and fell in love with the trees ( and the artmakers, especially my dear Rachel)
I ate lots of ice cream, sometimes multiple servings a day as a heat mechanism.
Played with friends , their dogs and my mom’s cats
Visited the science museum, nature center & bear slide playground with Opal
Went to MOCAD and made polymer clay beads for a necklace for family day
Fell victim to too many Memorial Day sales
Had the best matcha for Mother’s Day
Made roasted asparagus topped with burrata and balsamic glaze & macrons Basel, lisa frank cookies with my mom & Opal
Visited/noticed new & old playgrounds , gardens and public spaces and dreamed about several new projects
