(anti)depression diaries: week 8
early mornings, sunny adventures and Father's Day/Juneteenth
Hello, welcome to my (anti) depression diaries. These weekly entries serve as my visual archive of what I am doing in the midst of heavy mental health fog.These entries, this archive is my response to my inner critic who tells me that I do not do enough. I am very inspired by poet Safia Elhillo who does this weekly diary series crafted after the Grub Street Diet. Here you will find my daily rhythms of musings, food routines, mothering, 9-5 work and creative practice. It’s a delicate and wild and terrifying and beautiful balance. So please join me as I quiet my imposter syndrome, engage in shadow work and write about what’s really happening for me. I will continue writing these until my battle with my inner critique is won and the fog turns into clear skies.
SUNDAY
2:00 AM- Opal wakes up and is wide awake.
4:30 AM- I finally switch out with José and go back to sleep
8:40 AM- I wake up for the morning, I got 6 hrs
9:00 AM- Happy Father’s Day , Opal and I make the table for dada
10:00 AM - I bake bacon and hashbrowns, Opal helps me whip up the eggs
1:00 PM - Opal goes to sleep. I watch Secret lives of Mormon Wives. I eat some monster cookies that Opal and I made, this makes me hungry so I eat a sandwich.
3:30 PM- Opal wakes up, we get ready to go out for Father’s Day.
4:30 PM- We go to a playground but it’s so hot so we get ice cream, José was really excited about the Dubai Chocolate they had. We also do a Target pickup.
7:00 PM- I bought ingredients to make a special father’s day meal but it’s really hot so we decide to do tamales for dinner.
9:00 PM- Opal goes to sleep , I take my first increase dosage of Zoloft that my therapist, psychatrist and I agreed on and it immediately knocks me out.
MONDAY
8:00 AM- It’s the first day of my two week break! I get Opal ready for her grandparent’s house.
9:30 AM- They pick her up. I make scrambled eggs with cottage cheese and watch the new SATC.
10:30 AM- I clean my room while listening to podcasts.
1:00 PM- I take a lunch break eat tamales and watch Starstruck.
2:00 PM - I work on some canva designs for an event I am planning with Sol and notes from the. writing retreat I’m part of.
3:30 PM- I watch more starstruck and snack on dried mango & dark chocolate covered almonds.
4:00 PM - I start laundry , the construction workers seem to be back
5:30 PM - I get the trash together while Jose and Opal get home.
6:00 PM- I play cars w Opal & hide and seek with her animals , then she wants a snack so grabs baby yogurt
6:30 PM- I start cooking a special pasta dish and work on dishes while the I wait for the water to boil.
7:00 PM- I am making this smoky pasta with steak so I season the steak , so thankful there is AC because it’s in the high 80s today.
7:30 PM -Pasta I served ! It’s so creamy and pilllowy , I feel so rich and proud! Opal said she wanted rice but refused to eat it so we try Moana mac n cheese which is a hit especially bc she loves helping me cook it ( it’s instant Mac so cooking means stirring in the water, using the microwave , stirring in the cheese, then letting it cool in fridge )
8:00 PM - I go upstairs to wash my hair.
8:40 PM - We take Opal outside before bed to do bubbles and chalk , we also water the plants.
9:30 PM -bedtime is long because Opal primarily wants to play with her a stuffed animals.
10:30 PM- She is finally down , I take my meds and grab my stuffy. I fall asleep quickly again.
TUESDAY
7:00 AM- Wake-up and read some poems and substacks.
8:00 AM- I get out of bed and start my morning routine.
8:30 AM- Opal wakes up, so I go in her room.
9:00 AM- I drive her to daycare and also pick up books for The Free Black Women’s Library-Detroit from Rose
10:00 AM - I get home , José makes eggs . I finish Starstruck & watch Mormon Wives for a bit.
12:00 PM-I call Shannon. We have a good long catch up session.
1:30 PM -José and I leave , I drop him off at the coffee shop and I head over to have lunch with Sol. We catch up and laugh for a couple hours. Sol gives me a shirt from Ben from a march that I missed this Spring in DC.
4:00 PM - José and I drive to REI so I can finally get sandals since my last pair broke last summer.
5:00 PM - We head to Whole Foods for a few items and also grab jeni’s ice cream sandwiches and dreamsicles that are sooo good. The chocolate mint sandwiches are worth risking a gluten induced sickness.
6:00 PM- We pick up Opal and grab a few more things at TJs , she snacks on the passion fruit dreamsicle
7:00 PM- We are finally home , I chat with Zoe about hanging out next week.
7:30 PM - dinner is more tamales and Jose finishes the pasta. Opal has Moana mac.
9 PM bedtime, Opal finally falls asleep a little after 10
WEDNESDAY
6:00 AM- I am up really early but I accept it so I read some essays for the workshop I’m in , go through Substacks amd read through Azka’s work on parenting & independent play.
8:00 AM- Everyone starts getting up , Opal & I go downstairs.I have yogurt & berries with my favorite chocolate granola that tastes like oreos . Opal has circle crackers and baby yogurt. José comes down and has yogurt too. Since it’s such a hot day and will be rainy we decide to go to the library for the morning.
11:00 AM- we arrive at the library and explore the stacks, play on the kitchen , use computers to sing along with books I notice some books I’ve been interested in including Rio Cortez ‘s . Opal meets some new friends including someone with the same light up shoes.
1:30 PM- We head out of the library and over to noodles & co for lunch. It is sunshowering so Opal and I share the umbrella.
2:00 PM - Opal gets a car nap while we drive down Woodward to do some errands.We end up going to one of my favorite bookstores and I pick up More by ms cherries and chat with a few friends who work there. We also go by Comic store and Bulk to pick up our respective books, the Bulk folks are real excited to see Opal.
4:00 PM- We go to the coffee shop and have sprinkle cookies and sprinkle water.
5:00 PM - We head home , watch tv and have dinner. Opal has more spaghetti and pho broth which she mixes together brilliantly.
7:30 PM -We all move to the couch to read and eat popcorn.
8:30 PM - Opal gets ready for bed.
10:00 PM - She is finally sleep and I pass out soon after.
THURSDAY
6:30 AM- Happy Juneteenth! I start reading Artict Play in bed
7:30 AM - I do my morning routine , Opal wakes up. I get my books ready for the library pop up.
9:00 AM - We head out to daycare, go to the bakery and then eat at Flytrap for breakfast.
11:30 AM- We drive in Detroit for the day, José posts up at the coffee shop and I get ready for the pop up for library at bulkspace.
12:00 PM- Before I start setting up the co founders of bulk help me with some conflict and sheena idsalso there which is an incredible support , I cry.
1:00 PM - We set up the library , Ona and Etta help make a sign with oil pastels , I catch up with Sheena.
2 :00 PM- people start trickling in, it’s raining but they’re still coming , instagram post is deleted but they’re still coming. I’m grateful . I meet so many wonderful people who are passionate about books, many are connected to me and have only one degree separation.
3:00 PM- Sol comes before the end of the day , we catch up and they bring books and browse too. We print off flyers for our vigil next week and then I start to pack up the library with the help of Sol and Vanessa.
4:30 PM- pickup José and then drive to the daycare to pick up Opal , she is happy to see us
5:00 PM- We head to the big store to buy: eggs ( they’ve been out almost everywhere), hand soap, dish soap, snacks , pull ups and art supplies for Opal.
6:30 PM - We head home , order pizza, Opal falls asleep, holding her chip bag. We let her sleep as we unpack the books, backpacks & groceries
7:00 PM- Opal eats her pho & noodle leftovers , José and I eat pizza and wings.
8:00 PM - start opals bath and chooses a yellow bath bomb.
9:00 PM- we go back downstairs , have a few more snacks and then get ready for bed.
10:00 PM - Opal falls asleep and I take my medicine , the house is dark and cool from the rain and wind. I’m grateful. The rain is still coming and someone is confusingly doing fireworks too, I try to sleep.
FRIDAY
5:30 AM - I wake up too early but need to pee so I go and fall back asleep for about an hour , then I’m up so I read the writing for my workshop.
8 :00 AM - Opal and Jose get up so I go into Opal’s room to play with her.
10:00 AM- I head out to bas blue to work on a few creative projects , have the peri peri hash for breakfast alongside a matcha.
1:30 PM- head over to bulk spare to print a few things for workshop on Sunday and then go home . I try to put Opal down but it doesn’t work out . We paint her ceramic rainbow and have snacks
5:30 PM- José comes back home and brings more pizza things like wings and breadsticks.
6:30 PM- Opal helps me get her dinner ready , it’s more mac and cheese
7:30 PM - We get ready for bed early & potty
9:00 PM- Opal sleep , me sleep
SATURDAY
8:00 AM- Everyone is up, we have Eggs and bacon for breakfast.
11:00 AM- We head out to market at The Shepherd , pick up Sheena on the way.
11:30 AM0 Riverwards is having a pop-up farm stand, and I am most excited about that , a luscious grocery store I’ve visited and coveted from in Philly -coming to Detroit this fall!
1:00 PM - We eat cherries and drink lavender blueberry soda on picnic blankets , Opal runs up and down the hill , we find ice cream. We head out , it’s so hot.
1:30 PM - I try to put Opal down but she does not sleep, Jose and I eat PB & J sandos for lunch, I also make some ginger tea.
2:00 PM - We all watch tv and play with animals
5:00 PM - I make a Peach, burrata and chicken salad , Opal has mac cheese
7:00 PM - We do some more potty training, Opal does an excellent job.
9:00 PM- Get ready for Opal’s bedtime, she falls asleep quickly.
10:00 PM -I stay up to read for workshops tomorrow and have snacks.
SUNDAY
5:40 AM -Opal up because she wants to potty but we also play and watch ms Rachel while doing more potty training.
7:00 AM- We have yogurt and berries for breakfast.
12:00 PM -I head to library for the workshop , the heat is opppressive
3:30 PM- After workshop , I go to Panera for lunch and then do grocery shopping and pick up Olive Garden for dinner.
5:30 PM -Finally home , drenched in sweat , I change into dry clothes and chill with Opal while she eats spaghetti.
7:00 PM -I am finally hungry, so I eat part of my pasta before getting full so I save it for later
9:30 PM- Opal gets ready for bed and goes down easily. I fall asleep soon after
Tune in next week to see how I deal with the midwest heat wave & how my next week off goes !
So happy to hear your Juneteenth went well! Glad I got to see you for a moment that day <3