Adding My Voice

Reaching for the Possible within Myself

Katelyn holding a polaroid of herself as a child, taken by her grandfather, in a rabbit picture frame.

Where I’m Coming From

Years ago, when I was a scholar teacher for Children’s Defense Freedom Schools living my best single life in Seattle, one of my scholars asked me why he didn’t get to hear from me more. It was probably something like, “Katelyn, why don’t you speak up more?” Freedom Schools is summer programming that combined YA texts with Black and Brown protagonists like Julia Alvarez’s In the Time of the Butterflies and Kekla Magoon’s The Rock and The River with youth-led community organizing that dates back to the Freedom Summer of 1964. Each morning, five of us scholar teachers led morning announcements. It was cheers and chants, dancing, music and a read-aloud guest which often featured local leaders and lumineers. I was pretty quiet then, I still am. However, there was one moment that I loved and was usually all me, which was a 30 second solo where I called the scholars to the intention of the day through scatting the word announcements. It was silly but it was also spiritual work that we were doing. Freedom Schools was full of culture and community building and activism for Black and brown youth through literature. All things that slowly ignited my desire for something different, something more. But what I didn’t know then was that something more was contained within myself.

Freedom School, 1964

Weaving in Grace for Myself

I spent much of my life scared of speaking up. I think I was scared that if I did find my voice that other people would realize what I always knew to be true, that I didn’t belong. But the reality is the more I found out about the world, about my Blackness, about my womanness, I was pushed into speaking up. A lot of times that was through my writing, which is a valid and valuable pursuit for liberation. I really believe that poems and essays and words and songs are such an integral part to widening a person’s expanse for empathy and to bringing equity for all people. But a lot of times I fight with myself.I am all about teaching others to show up on the page and in their lives with vigor and truth but in the background of my own mind, my inner critic is telling me that I do not have value. I do not belong. I am an imposter. That is what’s been holding me back for so long at writing my story, at sharing more of my life and my emotions with loved ones. Yes, I have experienced real hurt but I’ve also experienced real healing and love. And my story, my truth is beautiful and belongs here just as much as anyones.

Turns out that imposter syndrome is just white supremacy, it's just a tool of capitalism, trying to get me to produce more.

But really this more that I am seeking, is already within me.

Waiting to be noticed like a yellow daffodil trumpeting her joyful head through an unexpected snow in late March. 

I am still working on overcoming imposter syndrome, it is ingrained in every part of dominant culture. I am weaving in grace for myself, understanding for others and using radical imagination to create the world I want to exist in. Everyday that there is breath in my lungs, I get to contribute to this ecosystem for change and transformation within myself. It is the most radical thing I could do, to trust myself and to believe that there is something greater that has already been given to me.

So this is me speaking up, me adding my voice and reaching for the possible. I hope you’ll join me.

Photo by Joyce Hankins on Unsplash

What I Want to Do

I will be writing two posts a month. I will bring you poems and essays on motherhood, abolition and creative practice. I want to do so many things. ALL of them. But I want to start small first. Here is a snapshot of all the things I wanna write about:

💌  The History of Black Art in Social Movements
💌 Black Maternal Health and Reproductive Justice
💌 Abolishing the Transracial Adoption Industrial Complex
💌 Poetry as Spellcasting
💌 Motherhood as Creative Practice
💌 Seasonal Delight Lists

I want to cultivate community. I miss you so much. As this platform grows, I would love to have a book club, a physical newsletter sent to your mailbox quarterly, a podcast, maybe some salon style gatherings. offline and virtually. Let’s do it! But for now, small is all.

Take gentle care, dear one.